"It depends on what you're drinking or how you're partying," says Ryan. So making your political views explicit sends a strong message; but it's probably one worth sending. The only thing the internet is more full of than cleavage mirror-shots is bias. Give the audience enough to infer the Real You from: "A couple or three pictures that actually look like you (in actual circumstances in which you live your life) should probably suffice, says John Bridges, author of . Unlike your love of Modest Mouse, stepping into religious issues can get very serious, very fast.
Ryan agrees: "I'm not going to go out on a date with someone because they were cute in 1985."Here's where the fine tuning can get tricky—one picture isn't going to cut it.
"Some prospects will be turned off by your political views if they have strong ties to a certain party and might avoid you all together," says Eyering. "Consider your profile as an initial introduction; any relationship where the initial introduction is based in lies is destined to fail," says Butler.
"The benefit is you could have a date who shares your views and have great discussions." It's definitely a flag—either a red flag or a glorious, glowing flag of likemindedness and steamy policy-based makeouts. For the same reason you shouldn't put up a misleading photo of yourself, misleading potential matches about you appearance is a huge mistake. But this doesn't mean you have to retreat to a cave of solitude and depression just because you might not be the fittest of specimens. You're not going to get away with anything less, and hey—there are people out there just like you.
Online dating might seem scary, anxiety-inducing, embarrassing, or complicated. Let's use the internet for more than just laptop comparison shopping. Each one's a little different, attracting distinctly different clienteles. Bottom line: the picture of you at a party should highlight something about your personality in addition to "We realize it might have been a while since you were in your physical prime. Maybe you just looked really hot summer of '07. "The risk of sharing your religion is prospective dates could stereotype you and disregard the rest of your attributes," agrees Pamela Eyering, President and Director of The Protocol School of Washington.
I've stormed the beaches and talked to the smartest people in the game. Putting up your faith has a good chance of irrationally turning someone off before they even have the chance to meet you and see how cool you are.
e Harmony users are probably more likely to put a ring on it than those from Ok Cupid, who are more like the people to rub up against in a dimly lit bar (and I mean that in a great way). It's time to hit the trail of JPG leers and tears. Naturally, you want to put on your best face as your e-face. "Remember that the goal is to eventually meet someone in person, so if you only place pictures of your ‘skinny days' on your profile, you're eventually going to wind up looking deceitful," Butler says. Pick a pic that lets your potential date know what they have in store. "The picture(s) should be after your most recent noticeable change in appearance," reminds Erin. People want to see what you look like, because nobody wants to get drinks with a troll: "Realize that not including a profile picture is going to result in your profile getting skipped over by most people," says Butler. "Only share your religion if you are only seeking a date who follows your faith."Don't.
We asked Jezebel's Anna North and Erin Ryan for what comes to mind when they think of each site. Erin: • OK Cupid: 50% people who claim to be "musicians" or "artists" but who actually make their money "waiting tables," 20% hipster hotties who take themselves and their tattoos too seriously, 15% left-leaning preppy guys who decorate their bedrooms with pictures of stadiums, 10% inexplicable rednecks, 4% dudes with kids, 1% of people who are doing it as a joke • Match.com: Uncreative types who aren't yet ready to admit that they kind of want to get married. • e Harmony: People who want to skip over all of the fun stuff and just married. It's the first thing people will see, whether they're browsing a list of search results, or getting an incoming message. Pictures of shirtless dudes and cleavage-pushing gals swirl around the internet like a giant, tacky nebula. If you share your income, whatever it is, you will look like an jerk. There's a reason you don't ask someone how much money they make when you first meet them IRL. And anyone who cares only does so they can get a chunk of it. Politics, like religion, are a dark, choppy part of the dating ocean.
Their gut connotations sound about right: Anna: • Ok Cupid: Kinda hipstery/nerdy • Match.com: Square. Women who love Anne Geddes and still have "The Rachel" haircut. You've only got one chance to make first contact, and there's a hell of a lot of difference between Cool Dude495 and SPANKMEHARDER. But not too wisely—reaching far at cleverness is a surefire way to turn someone off: "Rest assured," says relationship author Tamsen Butler, "that if you think you've come up with a really great username that makes you feel clever, there is a good chance that you may be the only person who gets it." Wit is great, but cramming it into your handle will reek of effort. Notable exception: You can score some major points with elderly family members. While I'm sure there's a crowd that's into the 6thing, you don't want to be part of it. LOOK AT MY BODY pictures scream that and nothing else—so if you're going to bare some skin online, it better be in a context that tells the world more about you. Skin pics are okay "If you're simultaneously doing something awesome or tough, like scuba diving or waterskiing or building a cabin with your bare hands or wearing a He-Man Halloween costume," says Ryan. It's not something you bring up with strangers.
So no puns, obscure literary figures, or film references. Just make sure to caption accordingly, lest someone think you used to date an 80 year old. However, if you are looking to just bag some meat, then sure, sell yourself as a piece of steak: "For casual encounter situations, fine. A lot of the time, it's not something you bring up with friends—disagreements can easily turn into fights.
"Try to think of something that describes you in one or two words without being too smarmy." But there's a good chance you'll send the exact opposite message. Do they know they're on this guy's online dating profile? Much like the "posing with chicks/dudes" option, you might be tempted to show how much fun you are with party photos. Good news: It is possible to shoot off social vibes without looking like a tipsy 9th grader. For dating…no," explains sex columnist and researcher Dr. But our political views say a ton about us: what we value, what we disapprove of, and who we might hate.
You just have to be conservative with your choices. The liberal/conservative crossover happens (in laboratory settings, maybe), but it's rare.